I’m in my third week of no contact with my narcissistic ex boyfriend. I filed a domestic violence temporary order of protection against him (a restraining order). We went to court last week for our hearing and he thought he could just get up on the stand and deny everything and this would be dropped, as his lawyer told mine. I’m not as “stupid” as he thinks though. I hired a lawyer and showed up with a huge box full of evidence (pictures of bruises, abusive text messages, including texts of a violation during a previous no contact order after he was arrested for domestic violence simple assault, intimidating me to “make this charge go away”), so he and his lawyer had to file a continuance since his lawyer was in no way prepared to defend him against all of this. His lawyer even told my lawyer they thought I’d show up alone and it would get dismissed fast. They were in shock I ever hired a lawyer. This protection order was my only chance to break free. Funny thing is, the jerk ex-narcissistic boyfriend filed one against me a few days later in retaliation.
The truth is, I wasn’t ready to go no contact with him. I always waited for the day I’d be ready, but in reality, you’re never going to be. We had been together for over two years. Before him I had no idea what a narcissist was, except for the fact that these people were obsessed with themselves. I had no idea how dangerous it truly was to become involved with a narcissist. I decided to file the protective order because he had become increasingly violent towards me over the past few months and I found evidence that he was even cheating on me (I tried confronting him several times and his narcissistic rage came out each time). The very few people who even knew about our relationship (I’ll get into that later), including my therapist, told me I was going to end up severely hurt in the hospital, or even dead. Those words scared the crap out of me, and this sense of empowerment went through my body, something I hadn’t felt since before I met my narc boyfriend, because as you know, they tear you down and destroy your well being. They take everything from you. I don’t know how I worked up the courage… maybe it was because I was so enraged he was cheating on me. Even more so enraged than how he kept beating me and emotionally abusing me. But whatever it was, I’m sure I’ll be thankful for it once I get through this.
Am I sad and having a hard time with going no contact? YES, of course I am. This happened SO suddenly. I’m mourning the relationship AND a person who never really existed. I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that the real G (we’ll refer to my narcissist as G), never existed. I’m also coming to terms with the fact that he replaced me essentially overnight. Am I upset I never reported him beating me EVER to the police? YES. The first time he got arrested for domestic assault a few weeks ago, he actually called the police on ME to try and have me arrested. That certainly backfired, considering he put his hands on me. And do you want to know who he blamed for being arrested? ME. According to him, it was MY fault he put his hands on me and I should have known to lie to the cops. When I gave the police my story I didn’t think they were going to arrest him, in fact I begged them not to. I told them he didn’t do anything wrong, but thankfully they’re trained in domestic violence and acted appropriately. He kept telling me it was my fault he had a record now, and my fault he had to pay an attorney. But guess what? I called the court to get an update on the case after he was arraigned and it turned out he had other pending charges as well for drugs (heroin… I had NO idea about this) and driving with a suspended license (I also had no idea about this).
So if you’re debating going no contact with your narc, please do it, and do it fast. It’s not easy, I’m not going to lie to you. I’m having the absolute hardest time with it. But you know what? I’m not being emotionally or physically abused anymore and I don’t have to prove my worth to anyone. I’m trying to start getting my life back and be who I was prior to meeting my narc. I’m completely lost right now, I’ll be honest. But I know once I get through this everything will be ok. You’re never going to be more ready than you are now. That day isn’t going to come suddenly. Trust me, I lived this for over two years.